Constrain-ment Complete

[Doorbell]

“So, you’re back.”

“Yes, and may I just sa—”

“Do you know why I’m all sweaty right now?” 

            “Uh, no, but you look grea—”

“Yeah, I look pretty buff don’t I?” 

            “I’m really glad you’r—”

“You probably don’t know how much Shotokan a person can learn in a year and a half, do you?” 

            “—.”

“I didn’t think so. Do you know why I wanted to learn as much as I could as fast as I could?” 

            “—.”

“So that if you ever came back and pulled that crap ever again I could kick your ass all the way to the curb instead of asking you nicely to leave.”

“I am sorry –and I do really mean it. I love you and I’m willing to do things any way you want to from now on; I promise if you give me another chance, I’ll show you and I won’t let you down.

“Well, you’re absolutely right: it’s going to be any way I want –any time, every time, all the time – and if you think you can handle that…?”

            “I absolutely can.” 

“…then get yourself inside and clean the kitchen, we’ll talk more about this later.
And figure something out for dinner. I’m going to be hungry when I finish my workout.”

~~~

There is rock solid hardness to my wife, a part of her that doesn’t change, a part that is what it is, that is what she is, and is as unrelentingly as anything can be. When she first took a stand on that part of herself I discovered what “my way or the highway” really meant; and when faced with a choice of ‘her way’ or packing my proverbial bags, I realized that for me this was no choice at all. And ‘having no choice’ is what ‘feeling forced’ means, is what ‘having no power to do anything different’ means, is what ‘feeling disempowered’ means.

And the thing that prevented me from simply taking ‘the highway’ in that moment was the knowledge of how deeply I loved her. In that moment I could not walk away (or walk anything different than ‘her way’) because my passion, my desire, my love for her was just as equally rock solid and unrelenting as the stand she took. [...] the hardness of her gravity and of my passion constrained me to trace whatever orbital path might result.

I think at that moment the confluence of ‘constrain-ment’ (as I would rather call it than ‘disempowerment‘, also here) with my love, passion and desire set up the felt ‘need‘ to adjust my interior mental framework in order to openly listen and interactively play with her, rather than playing it safe. I think for me this nexus, this confluence of constrain-ment and passion, is what began our relationship dynamic that eventually resulted in my uxorious erotic truth…

~ OH, Love’s Gravity (Passion)