Obedience, Intentions and Expectations

…not her domination, but her desire … not her leading me, but her desire to go where she will…
~ OH, The Desire Dynamic Difference

On the surface this difference appears ‘not my disempowerment, but her empowerment’ and I will admit if a power scale is stretched between two people an increase of power for one is by necessity a decrease for the other.
~ OH, About (Not) Being Kinky

Apropos of a ‘promise’ being merely a well recognized level of intent and the uxorious impulse to make them anyway (and quite possibly of needless differentiation as well), I realized today insomuch as I have a tendency towards ‘obedience models of uxory‘ I am only seeking to see my wife expect that I will by natural course and willing desire do all I can to make her happy. In fact I recall once telling her, ages ago it seems now, that I really wanted her to comfortably and confidently rely on me to do my best to make her happy, that I desired her constant expectation of my pleasing her be such an ‘of course’ statement, that the thought I might not actually do what she wanted, might not actually do my utmost to please her, just simply would no longer occur to her.

Thus I think the meaning of ‘obedience’ as a love symbol that I would seek (as adequate for me when used for us) would not so much be the expectation of my (demanded) obedience as the expectation of my (willful) intent – and likewise her demand would more precisely thus symbolize her expectation of my intent. (And intentions are important to me: the very idea of offense without intent to offend seems to me merely taking offense without reason.)

On one hand as far as observable behaviors go there mightn’t be much difference between the “force/demand” power dynamic ‘obedience’ seems to belong to and the “willful/intentionality” passion dynamic I am trying to signify. (Always remember there’s a large dose of useless inapplicability to these sorts of wide-sweeping generalizations!) And on the other hand, despite my understanding that (for me) my erotic truth is not so much about power as about passion, in the immediate compact experience of  ’for you is for me‘, where ‘passion’ meets the ‘willingness to please out of love’, I readily admit I understand (even like!) and firmly believe the ‘obedience model’ could work for me.

(And speaking of being unable to find other similar ideas, I know I was recently discussing another symbol that I like and think could work for me but don’t think would work for us – but I can’t remember it or find it just now.
***EDIT – It was in context of reasons why my wife and I, individually and as a couple, don’t quite comfortably enjoy either the ’female led’ or ’uxorious’ label dynamic:

And, even though I have often thought the female led symbol and dynamic could work well for me, I also know how I would need to be selective and limiting in its application and so I often hesitate to use it for us.
~ OH, Uxorious, Female Led, Other

And if I, she and we also do not use ’obedience’ or some plainly ‘kinky’ dynamic, clearly I [at least] neither feel quite entirely comfortable with the normative ‘vanilla’. Fortunately if labeling isn’t always good [for me anyway] neither, if one maintains a certain attitude balance, is ambiguity always bad.)

And of course the compaction of meaning within a symbol continues: for as an indicator of my passion and desire I am still trying to give her the the exterior, observable bottom line what I ‘actually do’ compacted together with with my interior, only indirectly assessable to my wife, ‘willing intentions’ – not using the ‘obedience’ symbol hasn’t removed the compaction reminiscent of ‘promise’. And because such compaction of experience, meaning and symbol is always going to continue ‘happening’ on some level, so too will the ongoing differential search for symbol adequacy and symbol accuracy in both self expression and in relationship love symbol negotiations.

Thus finally (and this my point), for my wife and I and within our love symbol negotiation, it is no surprise that while the ‘obedience’ symbol has some potentially functional aspects and we may tread close to this model in many ways, it ultimately remains unnecessary. Indeed not only ‘not necessary’ but considering my wife’s concern that I might lose character and personality within an ‘obedience model’ (concerns she’s had from the very beginning), and considering my own life lesson of balancing my uxory with ‘being wholly me‘, I can see how such a symbol could actually become a detriment for either of us, or both.

And thusly to what is most important: with or without this symbol or that meaning, I am glad (dare I say still excited) that my wife is (finally) well aware of my intentions, my desire and passion, to make her happy, any way I can to the best of who I am.