Love’s Gravity (Passion)

Perhaps the motions of our relationship solar system are powered by the gravities of our desire, and in our love for each other our individual enjoyment can no longer be full without (or separated from) the other’s enjoyment, no matter whose pleasure is ‘active’ and whose pleasure is ‘passive’. The center and soul of our relationship cannot be summed by any one word or phrase; it is a nexus between us, a matrix of our combined gravities, a complexity of love we can know only by its direction on our individual interior compass rose. ~Octopus Heart (from here)

In the early stages of my relationship with my wife, there was a point on my interior where I turned from ‘playing it safe’ with her to ‘openly listening and interactive playing’ with her.  At this point and moment I said I felt I had to change, that I felt forced to change, making the ‘force’ behind this change of prime significance.

There is rock solid hardness to my wife, a part of her that doesn’t change, a part that is what it is, that is what she is, and is as unrelentingly as anything can be. When she first took a stand on that part of herself I discovered what “my way or the highway” really meant; and when faced with a choice of ‘her way’ or packing my proverbial bags, I realized that for me this was no choice at all. And ‘having no choice’ is what ‘feeling forced’ means, is what ‘having no power to do anything different’ means, is what ‘feeling disempowered’ means.

And the thing that prevented me from simply taking ‘the highway’ in that moment was the knowledge of how deeply I loved her. In that moment I could not walk away (or walk anything different than ‘her way’) because my passion, my desire, my love for her was just as equally rock solid and unrelenting as the stand she took. After entering her solar system, I might have merely changed direction to freely travel the highway between the stars again, but I didn’t – the hardness of her gravity and of my passion constrained me to trace whatever orbital path might result.

I think at that moment the confluence of ‘constrain-ment’ (as I would rather call it than ‘disempowerment‘, also here) with my love, passion and desire set up the felt ‘need‘ to adjust my interior mental framework in order to openly listen and interactively play with her, rather than playing it safe. I think for me this nexus, this confluence of constrain-ment and passion, is what began the ‘female led relationship dynamic’ that eventually resulted in my uxorious erotic truth, when I feel as if I am getting to safely stand on the sun and revel in its glory, and in the manner of the female led garden hose this is for me what being an uxorious man in what is ostensibly a ‘female led relationship’ continues to be all about.