Love Symbol Negotiation
December 25, 2009
Often my wife discerns my present devotion to her by not telling me exactly what to do, because despite the fact it’s easier for me to know and do what makes her happy if she simply tells me, such faithful following orders doesn’t demonstrate careful observation and loving attention to her person and character. She feels my interior space dedication level is proportionate to the level of consideration and planning my choices display, so by not telling me precisely what to do she allows me the freedom to demonstrate the level of my devotion in a method and manner, in a love symbol, she understands.
Since I prefer her telling me what to do for her happiness and showing my interior space dedication and devotion by my willingness and continuing commitment to doing those things, obviously some love symbol negotiation is necessary. Unsurprisingly, much of our compromise consists of my learning to effectively deliver in love symbols she understands because by doing so I often manage my love symbol of participating in her pleasure, yet she does her fair share for me as well. I have found making these adjustments often affords us more opportunities for greater intimacy but also improves the accuracy of our already functioning love symbols.
Perhaps the point is more about the compatibility of love symbols, for where relationship love symbols are not already adequately compatible, communication and negotiation, whether verbal or not, tacit or not, recognized or not, is eventually going to be necessary. This often means we do not always get enough of the love symbol we want exactly the way we want it all the time. Rather than simply allow our heart’s reception atrophy upon what has always worked for us, we must adjust our interiors, expand our love horizons, act with a will towards the dynamic maintenance of loyalty with our partner rather than rest in an atrophy of love symbols and remain unfulfilled.
January 14, 2010 at 8:12 pm
[...] time I don’t feel tempted by them. Already in the maintenance of loyalty I have learned to focus on love rather than the love symbols, to preserve the soul of our relationship without distractions like porn, and to see the worth of [...]
January 26, 2010 at 3:18 pm
[...] piece on the interior may be love and affection but we may think what we need is sex and sexuality; perhaps we have specific love symbols that work for us and unintentionally focus on the symbol more …. Or perhaps we intentionally try to use something like sex as a substitute symbol, even though we [...]
March 5, 2010 at 8:35 am
[...] 5, 2010 The love symbol negotiation in a (female led) relationship is so important; the course of learning life lesson three, balancing [...]
March 6, 2010 at 8:31 pm
[...] what she wants – so that she can be happy. This motivation says love to her; this motivation is a love symbol she can understand. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Why Female Led?The Desire Dynamic DifferenceThe [...]
March 10, 2010 at 1:57 pm
[...] sense of self. The differences and similarities of individuals in a relationship is what makes the love symbol negotiation so fascinating and the need for symbol feedback so clear: we give and we take in love, different [...]
March 10, 2010 at 2:17 pm
[...] Of course on the other hand, there are those occasions when I am trying to accomplish something almost entirely for her sake; I might think this something is a good idea of itself or fine for other people, it’s just not something I would choose for myself. And unsurprisingly these are the occasions I suffer from a serious lack of motivation; I’ll procrastinate, and rush the process at the last minute, quite naturally doing a qualitatively shoddy job of it. And of course this inevitably comes back to haunt me (see love symbol negotiation. [...]
March 11, 2010 at 7:53 pm
[...] can understand, and if these are the symbols a person understands, then in the feedback need and love symbol negotiation I think it is only right and fitting that we not only want to give our partner what they want [...]
March 16, 2010 at 8:07 am
[...] a relationship we ‘negotiate‘ the ‘playing’ these relationship ‘roles’ in good faith (as opposed, [...]
March 27, 2010 at 10:43 am
[...] get what we need, get the love we need in symbols that we understand. And so we do what we can, we compromise, we give and take, consciously and unconsciously do things in certain ways simply for our [...]
March 28, 2010 at 12:01 pm
[...] there are outright triumphs a relationship’s love symbol negotiation (see also here); I had one this weekend and it feels wonderful. Possibly related posts: (automatically [...]
April 1, 2010 at 12:36 pm
[...] talking about “tell me what you want me to do” and “tell me what to do” as love symbols. Recently my wife and I have organically developed a system in which she’ll regularly give a [...]
April 10, 2010 at 8:56 am
[...] is what I meant (and still mean) when call this the ‘love symbol negotiation‘: not only do we do our best to give our partner love in symbols they understand (and they [...]
June 2, 2010 at 9:53 am
[...] together, but how well they learn to adapt to on another (learn understand one another) in their love symbol negotiation – not the least of which are how well any person learns a ‘second language’ of love [...]
June 3, 2010 at 1:29 pm
[...] June 3, 2010 This is an actual conversation we had as we were lying in bed last night. I thought it wonderfully indicative of our love symbol negotiation. [...]
June 4, 2010 at 12:14 am
[...] is a set of reconciled symbols – or mutual functionality – or mutual, effective and successful love symbol negotiation, a specific kind of functional interactivity versus a general kind of inability to function (power [...]
June 6, 2010 at 8:35 am
[...] I also enjoy my ‘occupation’ and truly feel being my wife’s partner, homemaker and stay at home father is my ‘avocation’, my ‘calling in life’, so unsurprisingly there are a great many things about ‘doing what I’m doing’ that make me deeply happy and satisfied (whether I am good at them or not). But I’ve been trying (as possibly many uxorious men do) to use the ‘powerotic‘ passion I have for my wife to get me motivated to do things I wouldn’t otherwise have the motivation to do, but the ‘bait and switch’ tactic of trying to get my wife to demand that I do things I don’t want to do (ostensibly so she’ll be happy) violates some pretty basic realities of an honest, intimate love symbol negotiation. [...]
June 18, 2010 at 1:12 pm
[...] of self in symbol to ourselves and to our partner (i.e. communication) as an ongoing process in the love symbol negotiation. Yet at the root of the rather philosophic end of my excursions I some time ago hit upon just such [...]
June 19, 2010 at 3:51 pm
[...] like them“, that continually catches my eye because I keep thinking it’s about love symbol negotiation. Yet ‘accepting decisions you don’t like’ is different than ‘accepting your [...]
June 27, 2010 at 8:53 am
[...] this was my original example of what ‘says love’ to her when I originally wrote about love symbol negotiation. And negotiate we do and must, for on the other hand I have a love symbol so strongly functional [...]
June 27, 2010 at 8:55 am
[...] (yet), I need some consistent feedback to do this, feedback she finds hard to give because if I didn’t do it her way the first time she’d rather do it herself and get it over with than stand around talking about [...]
June 28, 2010 at 8:54 am
[...] I have somewhat discussed before how ‘uxorious’ is different than ‘submissive’ (on basis of ‘passion’ versus ‘power’ and on basis of ‘my disempowerment’ versus ‘her empowerment’), yet neither word seems to quite be adequate or accurate to my experience and even ‘female led’ in many ways doesn’t seem to be a very accurate symbol for our relationship. Now over the past few days I have been having an unprecedentedly wonderful conversation with my wife about a great deal many things I discuss here – mostly on the themes of differing interests and differing love symbols in our relationship and love symbol negotiation. [...]
July 2, 2010 at 12:22 am
[...] thread) has made me ever more certain that which set of symbols and which kind of dynamic a couple negotiates for use in their relationship is less important than whether those symbols are adequately [...]
July 11, 2010 at 3:37 am
[...] July 11, 2010 Often my wife discerns my present devotion to her by not telling me exactly what to do, because despite the fact it’s easier for me to know and do what makes her happy if she simply tells me, such faithful following orders doesn’t demonstrate careful observation and loving attention to her person and character. She feels my interior space dedication level is proportionate to the level of consideration and planning my choices display, so by not telling me precisely what to do she allows me the freedom to demonstrate the level of my devotion in a method and manner, in a love symbol, she understands. ~ OH, Love Symbol Negotiation [...]
July 16, 2010 at 1:46 am
[...] Now in retrospect, I think she may also have passed to me something of her own fears, i.e. that she is afraid she might love too passionately and suffer its ill effects, that she might crash our relationship carriage by (statically) holding the reins too tightly, that she might damage her partner by metastatically using me (only) as her own symbol, that she in my shoes worries about her ability to differentiate. And frankly this is as unsurprising as it gets, after all compaction is her experiential framework forte not differentiation; thus I am reminded that as we seek to negotiate and refine our love symbols, [...]
July 20, 2010 at 3:36 am
[...] the force/demand relationship power dynamic symbol and I certainly would love it if as part of our love symbol negotiation my wife enjoyed “demanding me/us to her measure” a bit more, more often and more [...]
July 26, 2010 at 12:08 am
[...] And of course the compaction of meaning within a symbol continues: for as an indicator of my passion and desire I am still trying to give her the the exterior, observable bottom line what I ‘actually do’ compacted together with with my interior, only indirectly assessable to my wife, ‘willing intentions’ – not using the ‘obedience’ symbol hasn’t removed the compaction reminiscent of ‘promise’. And because such compaction of experience, meaning and symbol is always going to continue ‘happening’, so too will the ongoing differential search for symbol adequacy and symbol accuracy in both self expression and in relationship love symbol negotiations. [...]
July 29, 2010 at 5:49 am
[...] (actions, words or deeds), being both adequate and accurate symbols, in their relationship’s love symbol negotiation. Of course vying to add any sort of uxory or kink to a relationship is often more likely to result [...]
July 30, 2010 at 6:25 am
[...] power dynamic itself that I enjoy, but rather the ’love’ meaning it has for me in our love symbol negotiation, and as a non-atrophied or metastasized symbol in the context of our relationship, I am quite [...]
August 3, 2010 at 12:12 am
[...] passion, erotic truth, intuitive-holistic compactness, adequacy and accuracy of love symbols in a relationship negotiation for the sake of intimacy and the maintenance of loyalty, kink and sorts of uxory, passion’s [...]
August 4, 2010 at 12:09 am
[...] so yes I was reminded: good relationship communication, good love symbol negotiation, is every bit as much giving what your partner wants and needs in symbols they understand as it is [...]
August 11, 2010 at 12:05 am
[...] of love, which I seek to express in love symbols we both understand via our relationship’s love symbol negotiation, even though I must also file [...]
August 21, 2010 at 9:29 am
[...] curiosity is primarily (almost entirely) about how people generally see, view, understand, use and negotiate love symbols so large and wieldy as nontraditional submission-dominance and semi-traditional [...]
November 27, 2010 at 12:05 am
[...] made me ever more certain that which set of symbols and which kind of dynamic a couple negotiates for use in their relationship is less important than whether those symbols [...]