Motivation

On the other hand procrastination does not work. It’s terrible but if I cannot adequately connect the work at hand to the experience of her active pleasure, I remain unmotivated for that task, procrastinating indefinitely if possible. Work not involved with passion by contrast becomes drudgery, and I just don’t seem to have enough self-discipline to do what must be done. Yet with a simple word from my wife about the expectation of accomplishment, or even my failure to accomplish, suddenly I am ready to tackle the world again.

Although the problem is akin to simply wanting more push back, there’s no octopus pride here. It’s a bit distasteful, but I’m more minded of an unmotivated five-year-old who must either be constantly encouraged or scolded. Of course, the ’simple word’ is a wonderful symbol effectively communicating active pleasure, and so I conversely end up wondering how much we as adults are no better than children, unconsciously assessing the worth of the workload as investment against the promise of paying approval. Or worse, consciously assessing.

And while I now wonder if children sometimes behave badly just to feel the affirmation of their parents’ desire, such economy of interest in an adult, even in unconscious motivation, seems to also betray the limits of the maintenance of loyalty. Moreover, I don’t want to act like a child, I want to act, you know, like an adult, one with his own readily available supply of interior motivation.